I swear I am Not

I'm not in love with you.
It's just that every time I hear your voice, something inside my chest outruns the world. I look at your pictures. Zoom in. Zoom out. Your tired eyes. Zoom in again.
An hour long stare or a cursory glance, it's enough to make me blush for the rest of the day. Blush deep.
...

You tell me you're going outside and that you'll be back in a while. I imagine if you're wearing that skyblue checkered Top, the one that if I got the chance to, I'd tell you is my favorite of all your Tops. I imagine if you walk with brisk steps, one hand in pocket, as you always do.
And I can't help imagining the way your face must look or the way you must shelter your eyes with your hand against the sweltering heat. And I need to stop smiling.
Everytime my phone lights up with a notification that has your name, something inside of me that blooms like a wild flower. I've never liked my voice, except for the times that I say your name, out loud or to myself in the middle of the night. Like it's the charm that keeps me safe. And warm. And happy. And it's funny how the last thing on my mind before I drift to sleep at night, is the sound of your voice when you said my name for the first time.
But I'm not in love with you. Cross my fingers. I swear I'm not.

She

She was loud and I liked to stay silent. She loved the rain; she danced among the wind, tasted the snow and whispered her secrets to the open skies.I liked to watch quietly from the window.

She laughed at the way her fingers were too small and mine were too big, but together they seemed just right. “Your hands are made for mine,” she said.When she laughed, heads would turn; eyebrows raised and frowns were on the faces of many.She erupted like a fiery waterfall, and I fell in love.

I began to laugh, too.I had forgotten how to. The rain didn’t seem all that bad anymore.I started to see the world through her eyes.The world became ours. We shared words, we shared stories.We shared poetry.She created rainbows when it was dark. Her hands never left mine, my heart was in her hands and her life, in mine.

That’s the thing with people like her. They create storms and leave. They have too much power.She, especially, was a storm of the most beautiful kind.When she left, she took all the rainbows and left me with rain. This rain, pouring down unapologetically; each drop echoing her laughter - laughter I’ll never be able to hear again.

Some Nights

Some nights, you are just a figment of my imagination. A figure inside my head. Other nights, most sad-nights, I see you in people, I hear you in a song, and I feel you in the wind, as I look at the empty sky.
Some nights, I wonder what went wrong? What separated us into you and I. Two individuals. Once a straight line, and now parallel to each other. Never going to end up, ever.
Some nights, I write to you, hoping you still read my words, and not scroll down reading my name. I wonder if it almost moves you from the inside, because it moves me, almost. Wonder if you know these are just not fiction, but for you.
Some nights, I wonder, if Almost would suffice? If we just settled for...the need? Wouldn’t that work out?
Some nights, I just want to give up. To be gone. To be left alone. To set my demons free. Isn’t that a good vision? Being myself for once?But I know, nights are short, and days are where I have to often be. So some nights, I just think about some days, and be uncertain, yet again.

Seven Lives

Closing the novel and feeling nostalgic with all those memory of her, all he could do was put this beautiful feeling in words, even though he always thought that the way she made him feel was something beyond writing in the form of words, yet for the first time his inner soul was beaming with the words to put together. So, with the shining moon and twinkling stars, his only friends aware of everything he has gone through. He picked his pen and began to put the feeling of love that can be measured only through infinity and beyond, nothing less than that.

Struggling through the start still he started...

There comes a time when you just stop searching for that one person, because you know your heart has already found them. Even though they are not with you, they don’t belong to you, they love somebody else or sometimes they don’t even know that you love them. But in this life you feel your eyes will not search for anyone else anymore. And when they are gone you just sit back and cherish those moments when you were with them. It’s a strange part of destiny when you meet that person, there is something in the universe which conspires to bring you close to that person, and from there on you realize that everything you have, you just want to share it with them, in short they become your universe and everything starts to revolve just around them.

Year’s back when I don’t even know what is to be in love, I used to think how can somebody be in so much love but now I realize that its one of the most beautiful feeling in the world to love somebody so deeply and unconditionally. Now when I have found that person, I often think to myself that whether in this life we will be together or not. But yes! That’s true I won’t be searching for anyone else, because in my heart each corner belongs to you, in each wall of my heart your name is written echoing through each and every heartbeat of mine. If we cant’ be together I will carry you in my heart, talk to you through my thoughts, care through my prayers and see you in my dreams and in all my seven lives I will find you and choose you.

Hold Her Hand

It’s not the thought that counts.

You thought it’s enough to think it. You thought it’s enough that deep down, you love her.

You thought that being enigmatic was an excuse to stop appreciating her - so you let your past, your pride, your demons, your selfishness, the fact that you’re weak or scared, be a validation for why you stopped fighting for it, making an effort for it.

But this is the girl who you need to appreciate.

Give her your time, all your love, take her on a crazy adventure. Hold her hand, teach her something new. Kiss her face a million times, take her somewhere she’s always wanted to go, dance with her cheek to cheek, spoil her, make her feel special every day.

This is the girl who has changed your life, who has made you a better man. This is the girl who loves all your wrongness, all those parts of you that you hate. The girl who wipes your tears when you speak about your dad, who kisses your edges, who loves all your roughness. Those parts of yourself that you only show to her, she adores them - her love warms them, your imperfections, it changes you.

This is the girl you need to appreciate because you know in your heart you will never give all of you like that to anyone else; no one will love you better. No one will make love to you with as much passion.

A true connection is once in a lifetime.

Extraordinary love is rare, it means something. You need to fight for it, make an effort for it. You think choice means something. You think easiness is good. You think the more chances you have, the better. But, trust me when I say that she is in your heart. Your roots have entwined together, she looks at you as if you’re magic. You might think there’s something better - but it’s all an illusion, it's all bullshit - that's just your ego talking.

This love is extraordinary, you think you want it easy; calm seas and smooth sailing. But the girl you fell for is opinionated and smart, who doesn’t always agree. She is difficult, she requires effort; it will be a challenge, work - but the easy girl will never satisfy you. She will be sweet but uninspiring. She will always leave you wanting more.

Dating her is not the end of your liberty - it’s the beginning of it.

She argues with you because she cares. She craves more from you - she has opinions and big dreams for the future. She never lets you get away with slacking on your talents, and no matter how much she loves you, eventually she will leave if you stop putting in effort.

Because she knows what you have, and she will never put up with not getting everything she deserves.

Don’t risk losing the best thing you ever had.

Whatever you do, don’t let her get away. It may be difficult at times - she’ll drive you crazy, she’ll frustrate the hell out of you. But she will never leave you uninspired or unsatisfied. Although she will leave if you keep taking advantage of her.

You think that no matter what you do, she will always be there because she loves you. But remember that you fell for the girl who isn't easy — as in, she won't just "go with the flow.” She knows her worth. She is the girl who will not settle for someone who doesn't put her first.

You have a love that builds, that makes your soul alive. Don't let this love get discarded for the next hit. Don't lose this love because of your pride, fears, ego or selfish ways. Because someone will value how special she is - someone will put in the effort it takes to be with her.

Wake up and realize she's worth fighting for. Because if you don't, you are the one who will suffer the most.

Dear Girl-Friend

Remember when we started off as friends before we got into a relationship ? That phase was magical indeed ! You were someone whom i could trust and be myself with. You know whats even better , Love ? Being in a relationship with my best friend ! Having you by my side makes me feel empowered. Honestly , i couldn't be happier to have you as my better half. Heres mr penning down a few reasons as to why you deserve the best friend and best girlfriend award.

1) I can speak my mind without being judged.
Its strange and wonderful at the same time how i can talk to you about anything under the sun. Its like i dont feel the need to hide anything from you, because you understand me completely. The best part is that you dont judge any of my actions and thoughts. Thank you for being so awesome.

2) You make me laugh till my tummy hurts.
You are one person who knows exactly what to do to perk me right up. Right from day one, till today, you know what to say and do to make me smile.

3) I can achieve anything when you are with me.
When you are by my side, i am not afraid to reach the stars! I know that you have my back at every step. More than a lover, you are my best friend. Someone who is constantly pushing me to be better that the person i was yesterday. Thank you for never giving up on me., love.

4) You are the first person who i think of when i am in trouble.
If i am stuck in a difficult situation, there is no one i want to call but you to come rescue me. I trust you and more importantly, i know i am safe with you. These were the first words i told you when i kissed your forehead.

5) You have seen me at my worst and still love me.
There are times when i am in my most vulnerable state. You could easily leave my side, but you dont't. You accept my flaws and stick it out with me. Thats what a true bond really is! Its a wonderful feeling to know that you are with me for better and for worse.

6) We can make fun of eachother and not feel bad about it.
The beauty of our relationship is that we are able to pull eachothers leg and not take offence at any one of it. I am happy i could be able to share my life with you. At the end of the day, you make me happy and i do the same for you.

7) I am a better and much happier person with you.
Ever since you walked into ,my life, there has never been a dull moment. I feel happy from within and it shows on my face. Yu bring out the best in me and i could not thank you enough for all the good things you have done. You mean the world to me and its about time that you know that for a fact.

Why do i miss you then , and why i feel lonely then ?

Photograph

Lost with all hopes of getting you back, watching at your photograph today,
May be this is the end we always feared about, may be the day has come,
Yet i await watching at all those beautiful memories we made together,
With this hope that, if God made us one, he will do it again.

Take away all the pain i have, take away all the taste of your tongue,
Take me back to those silent nights, those were better than staying away from you,
All the lies, all those promises, all those dreams we saw together,
We met but still could not meet, we were together but still lost our way,
There is no life without you, tu jaroori sa hai mujhme jinda rehne ke liye.

Today i felt for the first time, i am all  alone,
Stressed out, and tangled up withing myself,
As if my life has no meaning without you priya,
We were the best together, but now i cant find us fighting for eachother,
As if we have lost hope on eachother.

Everyday i keep this promise to myself the one i made to you once,
Even if we are not there someday, one of us will always keep our love alive,
So what we wont be together, love never means to be together always,
Sometimes love demands distance, sometimes love demands seperation,
May be to test or to check how true our Love is,
So How true our love is babu?

Please answer me through these photographs , please hug me
Because i miss you every day.